A Conversation With My Therapist About Fear

“I don’t think you’re lazy, I think you’re scared.”

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

What if I do all the right things and it doesn’t work?”

Then we moved on to my career concerns. I’m unemployed right now, and looking for work, but because of a number of factors, including location, language, and COVID-19, my options are very limited and nothing good has come up yet. But I’m still trying to make money online, picking up work wherever I can, and I was excited to tell my therapist that I made my first €19 on Fiverr, moderating comments for someone’s YouTube channel.

“I don’t think you’re lazy, I think you’re scared.”

Whoosh. Wind knocked out. Dumbfounded. A moment of silence while my brain processed. Then fireworks. Planets shifting. Angels singing. My whole perspective changed.

“You’re thinking too big. You have to be mediocre first before you can get there, where you want to be.”

And that’s true. I didn’t see that before. I might give it everything I can and find out I’m just mediocre, or I might find out I’m extraordinary. But I’ll never know where my ceiling is until I try going full speed ahead and risk failure and disappointment, and I’ll also never reach the extraordinary if I don’t get to the mediocrity first.

“I am more afraid of never trying than I am of failing at___________.”

How do you fill in the blank?

I was born in Romania, grew up in China, and now I live in Germany. My passions include travel, YouTube, personal development, and mental health.

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